Time for a change

When you get right down to it, I’ve never been much of a long-term planner.  Although I went to an Ivy League caliber college, I didn’t graduate with a 5-year, 10-year, and 20-year plan.  In fact, when I was searching for a job during my last year of college, I didn’t even have any idea what a reasonable year’s salary should be.  

In some respects, I think this lack of planning has served me well.  After all, a mere three years after I graduated college, I traveled across America and “found” New Orleans, the beloved city I now call home.

I certainly couldn’t have planned for having a child with ADHD.  Some surprises are better kept unknown.

But lately, I’ve been thinking about how my lack of planning has impacted me.  And since, RockStar’s planning track record is a fraction of mine, together we’re ill prepared at this point to move forward.

Even though his birthday was months ago, it hit me this week that he is 60 years old.  

When I was graduating college, 60 sounded like an age for walkers and canes. 

He’s already fairly under-employed and that situation isn’t likely to change a whole lot in the future.  In fact, his years of working are potentially numbered.  What would happen if he had a major medical crisis?

I like be open to what comes, not held down to someone else’s idea of what progress should be.  That said, I feel more than a little anxious about the future.  Summer camp this year is financially killing us. The weekly tutor we’ve had really isn’t in the budget.  And they are talking about the water bill doubling.  We simply are not making enough to cover expenses, especially “extra” expenses like these.  The future looks scary with nary a plan in sight.

It makes me wish that I had “planned” to marry well and selected jobs for security rather than interest.

I know, I know.  There is more to life than money.  I truly believe that and I am certainly not someone who needs gold lined cups and $600 suits.  But a new blouse or pants, or even a night out on the town…yeah, those would be welcome. 

This post isn’t a complaint or a cautionary tale, but it is a demand to myself to make some changes and to demand some changes. Addressing ADHD isn’t always cheap.  There are tutors and therapists and assessments, and these all cost money.  And keeping myself sane – whether it’s a manicure or a weekend away - is a worthwhile effort that will actually help Dylan and RockStar. 

Over the summer, I need to make some decisions and I need to get RockStar to face up to some realities.  Yes, maybe we can find some ways to cut back.  But when you already rarely go out to eat and eschew new clothes, there’s not a whole lot of fat to cut back on.  

It’s time to do a little long-range planning.