Rather, I've been otherwise occupied. With WORK. And Spraining My Ankle. And just everyday stuff that comes up even though it's summertime.
So, no, I haven't been just goofing off.
While spraining my ankle was both unplanned and something that took me away from my normal, everyday routine, work has been ALL-CONSUMING.
For one thing, I'm to complete a 52-page publication by the end of June and I'm nowhere near where I should be. That would be bad enough, but...I'm doing it all by myself because my assistant resigned.
It wasn't that she didn't like me or the job. She's moving on with her life, moving to DC so her husband can go to grad school. It's a new adventure for a young girl.
OK, even though I love New Orleans, I'm the teensiest bit jealous, just for the change of scenery, change of routine.
So, I'm doing my job. And I'm doing her job. Oh, and I'm interviewing, which is like a whole 'nother person's job. There truly are not enough hours in the day.
The Saturday after I sprained my ankle, there I was, laid up in bed, ankle up on a pillow, encased in ice, yet, I'm on my laptop tip tapping away. (Actually, I got more done than I do in the office.)
I'm managing to keep a brave face amidst all of it. The ankle is healing well. I'm getting stuff done, even if I'm working night and day. Thankfully school is out and homework is not an issue. And I'm even keeping up with the church committee I'm on to seek a new pastor, which means I'm looking at resumes for work and I'm looking at resumes for church.
Let's just hope I don't ask a potential candidate what their beliefs on same-sex marriage are!
But I had something like an epiphany the other day. I spend a lot of time wanting a day to myself to write. To further that other part of myself that dreams of being a published writer. And that is necessary.
But that is not what I need right now.
No, what I need is mental rest. Not an hour's nap, or reading before bed, or even a single day off. I need a few days where I don't have to do anything. Where I'm not reviewing candidates, not editing, not seriously multi-tasking.
Instead, I need a day where I read all day. Maybe I surf silly things on the net. When I even just skim trashy magazines and find out not only what the stars are doing, but who the heck they are!
I don't see it. I don't see a day or days on the horizon where that will happen. The publication has to be finished and edited and proofed and printed. All the other things that have to get done during the day have to get done. An assistant has to be selected, and then go through all the corporate gobbeldy-gook, then hired and trained. The pastor candidates have to be interviewed and visits arranged and hired.
There's just so much!
I know. I know rest is necessary. I know you have to take care of yourself and I am a huge proponent of self-care. But there are times - and this is one of them - when you really don't have options. And I don't. I have to keep going until several of the pieces of the puzzle get fitted in to place, so that at least everyone has a good idea of what the picture is.
Then I can take time for me. Then, I can have mental rest. Then I can just be.