Tomorrow is the first day of fourth grade and I'm a nervous wreck.
It's a big year. Major testing. More tests. More homework, that now will be graded. More expectations. And I don't feel Dylan is ready for all of that.
It's not that I don't have faith in him. I do. He's the most creative, imaginative kid I know. But it takes him half an hour to write one short sentence that you can barely read. After 15 minutes hunting and pecking on the keyboard he's tired and wants to give up.
Medication will help, I know that. But...it's all so trial and error, and far, far from perfect. His social worker said yesterday how much he has enjoyed talking to Dylan this summer when he's been off of meds. He feels the meds deaden his personality. Who wants that? But having tried to help Dylan do his summer homework, I know he can't survive school without them. It's an awful predicament; an awful Catch-22.
To make matters worse, I did something stupid. I ordered school supplies for the wrong grade! How it the world I could have done that, I don't know. If I had done it and then realized it later, okay, I could've understood that. But I kept going back to the third grade list. At least 4 or 5 times!
Also throwing me for a loop - he does not have the teacher we were planning on. I don't know yet if this is a good or bad thing. In a way it's good because Dylan was anxious about the teacher he thought he had. This at least transfer that anxiety away for now.
I remember fourth grade as one of my very best grades. Mrs. LaCau was an awesome teacher who recognized my gifts and fought for me to get into "major works" in 5th grade. She encouraged my love of reading and helped me to love learning. I want that so much for Dylan. But it's all so different now! This crazy testing culture and the speed ball pace of everything!
I know that there will be good and there will be bad. But for now, I'm a nervous wreck. I even had a bad dream last night.
Fingers crossed. Here we go.