What I Need

I have not been purposely ignoring this blog.

Rather, I've been otherwise occupied.  With WORK.  And Spraining My Ankle.  And just everyday stuff that comes up even though it's summertime.

So, no, I haven't been just goofing off.

While spraining my ankle was both unplanned and something that took me away from my normal, everyday routine, work has been ALL-CONSUMING.

For one thing, I'm to complete a 52-page publication by the end of June and I'm nowhere near where I should be.  That would be bad enough, but...I'm doing it all by myself because my assistant resigned.

It wasn't that she didn't like me or the job. She's moving on with her life, moving to DC so her husband can go to grad school.  It's a new adventure for a young girl.

OK, even though I love New Orleans, I'm the teensiest bit jealous, just for the change of scenery, change of routine.

So, I'm doing my job.  And I'm doing her job.  Oh, and I'm interviewing, which is like a whole 'nother person's job.  There truly are not enough hours in the day.

The Saturday after I sprained my ankle, there I was, laid up in bed, ankle up on a pillow, encased in ice, yet, I'm on my laptop tip tapping away.  (Actually, I got more done than I do in the office.)

I'm managing to keep a brave face amidst all of it.  The ankle is healing well.  I'm getting stuff done, even if I'm working night and day.  Thankfully school is out and homework is not an issue.  And I'm even keeping up with the church committee I'm on to seek a new pastor, which means I'm looking at resumes for work and I'm looking at resumes for church.

Let's just hope I don't ask a potential candidate what their beliefs on same-sex marriage are!

But I had something like an epiphany the other day.  I spend a lot of time wanting a day to myself to write.  To further that other part of myself that dreams of being a published writer.  And that is necessary.

But that is not what I need right now.

No, what I need is mental rest.  Not an hour's nap, or reading before bed, or even a single day off.  I need a few days where I don't have to do anything.  Where I'm not reviewing candidates, not editing, not seriously multi-tasking.

Instead, I need a day where I read all day.  Maybe I surf silly things on the net.  When I even just skim trashy magazines and find out not only what the stars are doing, but who the heck they are!

I don't see it.  I don't see a day or days on the horizon where that will happen.  The publication has to be finished and edited and proofed and printed.  All the other things that have to get done during the day have to get done.  An assistant has to be selected, and then go through all the corporate gobbeldy-gook, then hired and trained.  The pastor candidates have to be interviewed and visits arranged and hired.

There's just so much!  

I know.  I know rest is necessary.  I know you have to take care of yourself and I am a huge proponent of self-care.  But there are times - and this is one of them - when you really don't have options.  And I don't.  I have to keep going until several of the pieces of the puzzle get fitted in to place, so that at least everyone has a good idea of what the picture is.

Then I can take time for me.  Then, I can have mental rest.  Then I can just be.

Counting Down the Days 'til Summer

Eight more days of school.  One more exam.

I don't think I was this excited for school to get out when I was in third grade.  But I am tired of the homework, tired of the arguments, tired of walking into drama.

It can be tough enough for me to help Dylan get through homework.  But it's almost worse for me to let RockStar do it. 

Because of the way the calendar fell this year, Dylan's exams started last week, which was the week after Easter break. His last exams are this week and next week is his last week of third grade. 

Before Easter, he had that wild dip in the effectiveness in the meds that led us briefly to the Vyvanse, and then we went back to Metadate when evenings were worse on Vyvanse.  So I don't think we are quite there, but it doesn't seem to be as bad as before Easter.  Or at least it didn't.

Yesterday, I was exhausted and I asked RockStar to work with Dylan on his homework so I could take a nap.  This is monumental.  I'm not a napper.  At all.  Unless I'm sick or...exhausted. So a nap last night sounded good on paper; not so much in reality.  I got all comfy, was beginning to zone out, when I started hearing the arguments.  Then some music.  Then more arguments.

Then, Dylan came running in, in tears, saying Daddy was being mean.  He wouldn't let him practice chorus but instead was making him do homework.

Sigh.

So it was up to me to get up and wrangle the homework process.

Tonight, it was much the same, except I was out at Jazzercise and when I walked in Dylan ran to me in tears. 

I didn't get him to do his homework tonight (it was something about a missing a notebook that I could never get to the bottom of), but I calmed him down to where he could basically eat dinner and go to bed. 

Just as much as Dylan, I just need a break!  Summer break here we come. I know it will be something else, and there will be stress, but at least it will be a break from homework.

Things to be grateful for on a Sunday afternoon

I've heard that blogs can be an excuse to complain, and I won't deny that it can be a good vehicle for venting.  But I'm inspired by both the weather and by the ADHD Mommas' Feel Good Friday on Facebook, both of which are reminding me to count my blessings.  So without further ado...

1. We're trying a new ADHD medication with Dylan today.  Actually, it's the same active ingredient as the patch he usually wears, but it's a capsule that can be opened into a spoonful of something.  We tried it in yogurt on Thanksgiving Day and Dylan said it tasted like there were rocks in it and refused to take it again.  But while I still have mixed feelings about the school's position on increasing/changing his meds, I'm also curious to see if it would make a difference. Members on a message board I frequent suggested putting it in ice cream rather than yogurt, to make it more of a draw.  Since weight gain is not a big concern for Dylan, it seemed reasonable to give it a try.  He still almost balked when it went into his mouth, but he did swallow it.  And so far, he's been having a fabulous day!  In fact, that leads me to Reason #2 to be grateful... 
2. Dylan came home from church and immediately started his homework!  That's a far cry from last weekend when we didn't even hear about weekend homework until the evening before school started back up.  He even held off coming out to brunch until his vocabulary workbook was finished!  Usually, he wants any excuse to interrupt homework.
3. We have had a week of very positive social occasions.  First, Dylan's birthday party on Monday afternoon.  We limited the guest list to just a few boys, which is so much better for Dylan, and we went bowling, which gave them a good, focused activity.  Then on Friday evening, Dylan had a fun, relaxed play date that went off beautifully!  There were no arguments, no power struggles, and no tears.  And finally, last night, he attended the Cultural Cafe, put on by his school's French immersion program, and had a great time - with no drama!  I'm hopeful these signs show that his social skills are maturing.
4. Today is a beautiful day.  It's about 70 degrees, sunny, blue skies.  I realize that we haven't had nearly the bad weather of the rest of the country.  With many of my family and friends in the Northeast, I know we are more than lucky to live in New Orleans, but still, the weather has been too cold and damp for me.  Today gives me hope that spring is on its way and soon my muscles will relax from being so tensed against the cold.  I may have been born into cold weather, but it was never the right climate for me!
5. The past few days things have been going well between the RockStar and me.  The week started off a little tense, but after dinner with my friend last week, I wrote him a letter.  Just writing down my feelings helped immensely.  I only sent him about two paragraphs of it, half of which congratulated him for getting promoted to senior sales associate at the retail shop he works part time.  But it also included my concerns that we need to see a marriage counselor and work on our marriage.  We haven't discussed it, yet things seem remarkably better.  I see a little light that I hadn't been seeing before. 
6. Finally, I am sitting in a coffee shop having a little "me time."  Always reason to celebrate!

Make time for friends

Life as the mom of a distractible child and the wife of a wannabe rock star is not often a day at the spa. Both necessitate extraordinary flexibility and the ability to multi-task to the extreme.  It does not leave much "me time."  It does often leave me wanting to scream.

A few months ago,with the stress threatening to suffocate me, I started seeing a therapist.  Now, I am not a good therapy patient.  I like the idea of it.  But the idea never quite translates into reality.  I've used more than my fair share of first-time Employee Assistance Plan visits, but I rarely make it to the second visit.

One therapist, at my first and only visit with her, was convinced I had figuratively married my father since my husband is 14 years older than I am and I had never known my father.  But unless my father was a teenage dad (and he wasn't, of that I'm sure), that scenario couldn't be further from the truth.  Another could not figure out why I used the EAP since it only covered three visits.  I was seeing her for work/family stress, which to me did not require a years-long commitment.

So far, this therapist has worked out okay, and it's good to just have someone to talk to.  But it doesn't replace a girl buddy.  Unfortunately, I haven't had one of those since college.

Work doesn't help much.  I work for a university, and it's the kind of place (at least in my office) where people come to work, do their job, then go home.  There's just not a lot of bonding.

Before this job, I worked at an event planning agency.  Bonding was plentiful, if a bit much at times.  It was like a large dysfunctional family.  You knew everyone's business and they knew yours.  One coworker hated it, left, and never spoke to any of us again.  But I liked the family aspect, maybe even more because I didn't have family here.

So I reached out to one of those coworkers and had lunch with her today.  And it felt so good.  While she doesn't have a child with ADHD, her youngest (now in college) does have a very mild case of cerebral palsy, so she knows about 504s and IEPs.  And her husband never tried to make it big in the music biz, but he did run his own company - badly - for a few years and it took her threatening to leave with the kids to get him to close the business and work for someone else.

Therapy is a good thing, but it doesn't replace history, common experience, and mutual affection, all of which I found today.

Saturday, I'm hosting my second-ever book club, and I'm hoping that there will be more of that.

Make time for friends.  They'll help you get through what life throws at you.

Just looking for a little peace and quiet

This has been a rough week.

First it was the school meeting and the fact that evenings have not gone as smoothly this week as they had been.

Then, Wednesday night, RockStar goes to see a friend's band.  That's cool because how're you going to get to be a rock star unless you are out there rubbing shoulders with other musicians?  But at 2:30 in the morning when I woke up and could immediately tell he wasn't home, it wasn't quite so cool anymore.  He had left five hours earlier, which seemed like an over abundance of time for shoulder rubbing.  I checked my cell...no text.  I called his phone...and got voice mail.  I texted him...no response.

I laid in bed wondering what exactly I should/could do, and decided, not much.  I'd have to deal with it in the morning if he was not home yet, but I couldn't go looking for him with an 8-year-old sleeping down the hall.  And it was a bit premature to call the hospitals and police stations.

Fortunately, about 15-20 minutes later, he called. He had been asked to play with the band.  That's awesome, but he should have texted to let me know just how late he'd be. And by that point, I of course couldn't fall asleep, even knowing RockStar hadn't been mugged on the way to his car or hauled off to jail for smoking weed.

I was seriously tired the next day.  It was bad enough losing a couple hours of sleep, but I'd also taken an antihistamine at bedtime, and that puts me in a fog all by itself.  I was a zombie by lunchtime.

Since there's no rest for the weary, that night just had to be Literacy Night.  It's a school event where the kids go from table to table doing literacy-themed activities.  I had promised Dylan I would go.  At least I didn't have to come up with words from a cupful of Alphabits cereal.  (Maybe Bed.  Snooze.  Yawn.)  Instead, I huddled with the other moms while our kids raced from table to table.  I couldn't even tell you what we talked about or if I held up my end of the conversation. 

As soon as we were home, I relinquished all parenting duties and went to bed. By 8:00pm.  And slept hard.

Although I probably got close to 10 hours, I still felt out of sorts today and couldn't wait to get home.  Half a day of meetings and an unsuccessful work errand later, I made it home and immediately put on my PJs.  I settled onto the couch and convinced RockStar it was his job to get Dylan in bed.  I would casually relax and surf the 'net.

It became apparent that it was not going to go quite that way as Dylan chattered away about Ninjagos.  He was all around pretty chatty because he had lost Friday night TV privileges by lying earlier in the week.  (Lying, by the way, is at the very top of the criminal infractions list in our house).

Anyways, back to the Ninjagos.  Dylan has a birthday coming up and he was angling for some Ninjagos, but I told him we've already bought his birthday presents.  However, I casually suggested I would buy him a Ninjago if he would learn how to swallow a pill (figuring it would give us more medication options).  He immediately cried that he had tried as hard as he could (months ago), stood up and ran to his room, and shut the door. 

At least while he was in there I had a little peace.

When he came out, he wanted to shoot marshmallows with the Bow and Mallow he earned last year selling Cub Scout Popcorn.  While shooting marshmallows is a suitable alternative to TV, I wanted him to go in the backyard with Princess Nikita.  He wanted to go in the front yard where there's more light.

A little background knowledge here:  Princess Nikita of the Great White North is a Siberian Husky.  Her goal in life is to run off and join a sled pack.  It's something she tries to do every single time the front door opens.  Every. Single. Time.  Understandably, I get a bit nervous when the front door opens.  Making the backyard a better place - in my opinion - to shoot marshmallows.

Despite the fact that I obviously outrank him with the title of Mommy, Dylan did not listen to my request to go out to the backyard and went out to the front porch instead.

Paranoid, I tried to keep Nikki otherwise occupied, fearful that when Dylan came back in she would seize her escape.  I was trying to get her to lay down when tragedy struck.  She bumped the coffee table and my wine glass fell off the table.  Don't worry, it was practically empty so almost no wine was sacrificed (thank God!).  But the glass shattered.  I'd say that it recalled the terrible wine glass incident of New Year's Eve, but this was a very basic, ordinary wine glass - probably $2.00 at Target.  Maybe $3.00.

Nonetheless, it wasn't a peaceful experience.

RockStar is now reading to Dylan but I can hear that it's not going smoothly.  I can hear the haggling.  It's not going to be an asleep by 9 o'clock night.

So, it's not quiet, either.